


Starting Over

by reedyas



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Episode: s05e08 Coda, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fix-It, Groundhog Day-ish, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-12
Updated: 2015-02-12
Packaged: 2018-03-12 00:06:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3337313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reedyas/pseuds/reedyas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Each time Daryl failed to save Beth, and the one time he did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Starting Over

Her blood is on his lips as he carries her out of Grady. She’s limp in his arms, head lolling to the side. He hears Maggie’s screams from somewhere, but he feels as if he’s sinking deeper and deeper.

His stomach is roiling and his eyes burn. He can’t cry anymore. It is as if his heart was ripped out of his chest with iron claws as sharp as knives. He feels as if he’s falling, even with steadily moving one foot in front of the other.

First it was Sophia. Then Hershel. And now, Beth Greene, the woman who had wriggled her way under his skin and sank into the deepest parts of his soul. The woman who didn’t put up with his bullshit, who held him when he broke down, whom he owed so much to. 

And here she was, dead in his arms.

Daryl doesn’t remember much after that. He remembers leaving Atlanta in the fire engine, cradling Beth’s cooling body. He remembers burying her under an oak tree outside of the city, the sky red and purple with the setting sun. He remembers vomiting and not being able to breathe because of the gaping hole in his chest. That night, he passes out from exhaustion after first watch, curling himself into a ball under the starless night.

…

He wakes in a truck. The same truck they took into Atlanta. He’s leaning against the window with Noah and Rick sitting next to him. Daryl jerks up, eyeing the two wildly. _What the -?_

“You alright, brother?” Rick asks, giving him a strange sideways look from behind the wheel.

Daryl squeezes his eyes tightly shut, so tight that bursts of light appear under his eyelids. He opens them and stares at his callused hands. They’re caked in dirt, no blood in the crevices of his palms. His fingertips reach up and touch his lips. There’s no dried blood, no vomit, nothing.

_(am i here? is this real?)_

He looks out the window and a sick feeling of déjà vu overcomes him. It’s like Grady never happened – or hasn’t happened yet. Realizing he hasn’t answered Rick, he nods. “I’m fine,” he lies, staring out at the beginning of the ruins of Atlanta incredulously.

He tries pinching the back of his hand tightly, the skin turning white under his fingertips. He’s not waking up. He’s never had a dream this vivid before.   
But if this isn’t a dream, then what is it? 

“You sure man? You look kind of pale,” Noah asks with a quirked eyebrow and confused look.

Daryl spares him a glance and nods tightly. They’re finally entering the city. Rick parks the truck and leads the group into an abandoned industrial building a few blocks from the hospital. 

Everything is exactly as Daryl remembers it. It’s almost as if Grady hasn’t happened yet.

_Maybe it’s a chance to redo things._

_(start over.)_

…

Daryl stands behind Rick’s plan this time, which is how he finds himself quietly slitting the throat of the officer guarding the stairwell with his brother at his back. Tyreese and Sasha are climbing up the fire exit on the opposite side of the hospital. Rick nods towards the hall, and Daryl follows.

Soon, they hear shouting and gun fire from down the corridor. “Find Dawn!” Daryl shouts, pistol in one hand, buck knife clenched in the other. “I’ll get Beth and Carol.”

Rick nods and speeds off in the other direction. Daryl starts throwing open doors to rooms, hollering the names of the women he’d lost at the top of his lungs. He reaches the other end of the hall when a small figure in blue scrubs and a ponytail comes sprinting around the corner. His heart stops when he recognizes that familiar head of blonde hair. 

“Beth!” he yells, unable to control the manic grin across his face. _This is it. This is it. This is it._

“Daryl!” she cries and runs towards him. The smile on her face is wide as she races towards him. 

She doesn’t see Dawn behind her. She doesn’t hear the policewoman calling her name until it’s too late. The gun cracks and Beth collapses to the floor. _Nononononono-_

Daryl drops to his knees and presses a hand over the wound in her stomach, his eyes burning and stomach clenching and churning. Her breathing is stuttered and blood is pooling around her and her blue eyes are wide and afraid and _there’s so much blood –_

He doesn’t feel any pain when the bullet rips through his chest.

…

He wakes in a truck again.

_(and again and again and again.)_

…

Eventually, he ends up losing count of how many times he’s woken up in that goddamn truck.

No matter what he does, how hard he tries, Daryl fails.

He’s seen Beth get shot multiple times. He’s seen Carol get caught in the crossfire. He’s seen Rick getting beat by one of the trigger-happy officers. Hell, he’s seen the blood from his chest on his fingertips before he blacks out.

And he keeps waking up in the same fucking truck.

_(again and again and again.)_

_(around and around he goes.)_

He’s thought about putting the wrong end of his pistol in his mouth and ending it all, but inside he knows he’ll just wake up in that fucking truck, driving to Atlanta like nothing ever happened.

_(is this hell?)_

He’s so tired, physically and mentally. He doesn’t know what he’s done to deserve reliving one of the worst days of his life.

He wakes up again with a delirious determination to do things right. He plays his role in Tyreese’s plan, as he has hundreds of times before. Before he knows it, they’re standing in front of Grady.

“Alright, we go in, we get out. We don’t need to make things complicated,” Rick instructs. Everyone starts to move into the building, and he realizes it’s now or never.

“No, you stay out here,” Daryl interrupts, placing a hand on Noah’s chest. “No tellin’ what Dawn will want when she sees you.”

Rick gives him a questioning look. “You sure about that?”

He nods. “It’ll give us an advantage too. They ain’t gonna feel as threatened when there’s only four of us.”

“Three,” Tyreese corrects. “I’ll stay out here with him.”

Rick nods. “Alright. C’mon.” They lead Licari and Shepherd up the stairs. Having walked this path before, Daryl focuses on keeping one foot in front of the other.

He sees her at the opposite end of the hall, donning scars and wearing that grey sweater and yellow polo he knows all too well. She’s clutching Carol’s wheelchair nervously. The ringing in his ears drowns out Rick and Dawn discussing the exchange. 

Carol is wheeled over. Licari is sent to the other side.

Beth comes forward, and Rick reaches out to her, wraps an arm around her shoulder, and kisses her forehead. 

_(Like Daryl’s seen him do many times before.)_

His fingertips come into contact with her shoulder, and God does it feel good to touch her again. He ushers her forward, and adjusts his position so he’s shielding her from Dawn’s gaze. 

“The deal is done,” Rick says firmly, nodding to Daryl. 

“Wait,” Dawn protests. Daryl’s stomach drops. Not again.

“Where’s Noah?” she asks, eyebrows furrowed as she scans the group. “I need a new ward.”

“No, you don’t,” Daryl grunts. “The deal is done,” he repeats, placing a hand on the small of Beth’s back. “You have your people, we have ours.” 

“You can’t just do that,” she protests, hand ghosting over her gun in its holster.

“Yeah, we can,” Rick says lowly, staring her down.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Beth fidgeting with something in her cast. Discreetly, he places his hand on the plaster and shakes his head. Looking into her blue eyes, he whispers, “It’s not worth it.” The ringing in his ears has transformed into the fast pumping of his heart. His hands are sweaty and he can feel adrenaline coursing through his body. 

_Almost there._

“He’s right,” the doctor pipes up from behind the group. “The deal is done, Dawn. Let it go.”

She swallows thickly and nods. “Go. Get out of here before I change my mind.”

Before he knows it, the five of them are heading down the stair case. Sasha leads in front, Rick is supporting Carol as she hobbles down, and he walks next Beth, hand never leaving its place on her cast. He shakes his head when she sends him a questioning look.

“Just let me, please?” he mutters, fingertips trembling on the plaster. 

She meets his eyes and nods, giving him a tight smile. “Daryl, I –“

Her gaze is pleading, and he nods back. “I know, Beth.”

Their exit from the hospital is nothing like Daryl would’ve ever expected. Maggie’s crying with joy, and Glenn, Noah, and Carl all embrace her. He can’t stop glancing over his shoulder to make sure that the officers haven’t changed their minds and aren’t storming outside with vengeance on their minds. Beth cries when she holds Judith, and Daryl finally feels a sense of relief.

They exit the city on the fire engine, with Beth squeezed in between him and Maggie. He almost breaks out in tears when she slyly intertwines her fingers with his.

_He did it. He fucking did it._

…

That night, they camp out north of Atlanta. They eat squirrel and canned peaches. Before she goes to bed, Beth whispers Goodnight, Daryl in his ear and lightly kisses his cheek. He takes watch under an oak tree until Michonne relieves him.

He’s terrified to fall asleep, but exhaustion overcomes him and he passes out a few feet away from Beth.

…

He wakes in the same position, the soft morning light filtering through the fog and Beth’s singing softly to Judith.

He can’t find it in himself to not be thankful for every time he woke in that goddamn truck.

**Author's Note:**

> This was very emotionally taxing to write. Kudos/reviews/constructive criticism are always appreciated!
> 
> The song to go with this fic is "I Can Feel a Hot One" by Manchester Orchestra.


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